| Timeline. |
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| 06:16pm 09/12/2009 |
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Tomorrow I've got four kids for 5-6 hours.
Friday I'm supposed to dye my hair. And there will be napping involved.
Saturday's Rita's baby shower and the day I get my wedding dress back.
Sunday's my bridal shower. Then we drop Chance at Joe's for ten days.. :(
Monday and Tuesday I need to get the house clean from top to bottom and do some extensive packing.
We leave Wednesday morning for Vegas!
I swear this week's going by at snail speed. |
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| 9 days. |
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| 01:25pm 07/12/2009 |
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mood:  nervous
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-VEIL
-BOUQUETS
-DRESS ALTERATIONS
-HAIR STUFF FOR THE BRIDESMAIDS
-DISPOSABLE CAMERAS
-POLAROID FILM
-WEDDING BANDS
-J'S SHIRT AND POSS. TIE
-BABY'S SUIT
-LOCATION FOR THE AFTER- DINNER
-WHITE STOCKINGS
-MUSIC
-VOWS
-LUGGAGE
-BUY A COUPLE CUTE OUTFITS FOR VEGAS
-LOSE 5 MORE LBS.
-NEW PAIR OF JEANS
-PICK FEBRUARY DATE FOR FAMILY RECEPTION/ JAMES' BIRTHDAY (EITHER 13TH OR 14TH?)
-SEND FAMILY RECEPTION INVITES OUT (EDITED)
-SETTLE ON A LOCATION, FOOD, DECOR.
-GET A CAKE FOR JAMES
-FIND JAMES BOTH CHRISTMAS AND BIRTHDAY GIFTS
-FIND BOYS CHRISTMAS GIFTS
-FIND MULTI-PURPOSE DRESS FOR BOTH JASON'S WEDDING, LAURA'S WEDDING, AND BACHELORETTE PARTY. |
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| It's my birthday, but you can cry if you want to. |
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| 02:56pm 03/12/2009 |
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Okay, admittedly not the best birthday I've ever had. Though, in retrospect, I did spend magic number nineteen getting bombed out of my mind and watching Donovan hit Gabe in the face for some reason that I now couldn't possibly imagine. And thinking to myself THIS IS FUN, YOU'RE HAVING FUN, RIGHT? (I wasn't). And all the malt bev in the world couldn't convince me otherwise. Though I kept drinking for another month, just to make sure.
The baby's still in a lot of pain from the teething. Really, all he wants is to sleep. But in my arms. Which means I'm completely immobile, which is driving me a little bit crazy, since I feel like there's this big list of stuff I could be doing right now to get the house cleaned up. I promised Chance I'd put the tree up, which I refuse to do until the house is "just right" and I feel really guilty about it. I'm just trying to relax and stay in the moment. They don't stay little for very long and the world isn't going to fall out of the sky if the dishes are still in the sink when I wake up tomorrow, you know? My mom left me this super lame, impersonal e-mail instead of bothering to call me, but that's not exactly out of character. My birthday gift from James didn't get here on time, but the card he gave me when I woke up was.. perfect. And I got my Christmas present yesterday, so it evens out.. We're really doing it ass-backward this year, if you can't tell. Once everything's tidy, I'll put the tree up, let the kid help me decorate, put the prezzies underneath, take some cheesy pictures, and then it'll feel like December, I'm sure. In the meantime, I'll be on the couch with Rule of the Bone and trusty computer to keep me sane. Or some realistic version of sane, anyway. |
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| A List. |
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| 02:56pm 30/11/2009 |
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Things that make me happy-
When teething baby falls asleep.
When Chance wants to cuddle, no matter his motives for it.
My grandfather sending me their old wedding photos.
Seeing the Vandals on Saturday for muh birfday.
Things that make me unhappy-
When teething baby ISN'T asleep. And is also screaming inconsolably.
The inability to get my house up to my standards of clean on my own.
The fact that our President is going back on his promises to remove the troops from the Middle East and end the war. He is now sending MORE troops, demanding MORE money be put towards that war while there are people in our own country who are experiencing profound poverty. The fact that he now says this is the right way to end the war, by finishing it. What kind of third grade logic is that? Selling your soul for the slightest possibility it might buy you another term. E tu, Obama, e tu? |
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| This is purely torture. |
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| 03:51pm 24/11/2009 |
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With the fast-approaching holiday season and a birthday in two weeks, I've got the gimme's. Having asked for the "sensible gift" (a new living room carpet from IKEA), I've resisted the primal urges to destroy Tokyo, all the while howling thunderously for SHOOOOOES. MOOOOORE SHOES!
Here are the top ten shoes I would kill a drifter and harvest his organs to pay for.
And it goes without saying they are ALL going to be Iron Fist.
*ahem*
NUMBER ONE. The Iron Fist "cupcake" shoes. We've got bows. We've got skulls. We've got evil desserts. And the fact that they come in heel OR the equally cute sherpa boot form cannot go unmentioned.
www.toofastonline.com/p-9745-iron-fist-killer-cupcake-sherpa-boot.aspx
www.babygirlboutique.com/iron-fist-shoes-cupcake-print-heels.html
TWO. The Iron Fist leopard peep toe heel. Anyone who knows me knows that I've never been a big fan of the Hot Topic franchise. Though upon hearing the news that they had begun selling Iron Fist, a shoe company that was once hard to find outside the UK, I became a believer. While looking for shoes to match one of my bridesmaids' ensemble, I stumbled onto these bad boys on the HT website. Though unsuccessful in my attempts to get her to buy them, they remain on my own desired shoe list. And they come in a neon green option as well!
www.hottopic.com/hottopic/Shoes/WedgesHeels/Iron-Fist-Turquoise-Leopard-Heels-359227.jsp
THREE. The Iron Fist Isabelle flat. I was surprised to find these particular shoes were Iron Fist, as they aren't nearly as loud and colorful as a lot of their shoe brethren. But nonetheless I find the design appealling and would and could proudly sport them with just about any other piece of clothing I own.
www.journeys.com/product.aspx
FOUR AND FIVE. If the internet buzz is any sort of indication, it would seem these are the most featured and most talked about Iron Fist shoes of the bunch right now. The Zombie Stomper heel. As a zombie fanatic (ahem, wedding theme) and all around shoe obsessive, these are on the forefront of my mind? Zombie Walk, wedding, Halloween.. THE WORLD WOULD BE MY OYSTER WERE I TO SLIP MY FEET INTO THESE fantastic walking shoegasms. And, it goes without saying, the zombies would be my bishes. They come in a flat, which is just as lovely, though I think you lose a bit of the wow factor.
www.vixensandangels.com/Item.cfm
www.sourpussclothing.com/index.asp
Interestingly enough (and to my disdain probably as a result of the bloated moneypig that is the Twilight franchise) these shoes were quickly followed by the sister shoe and number five on my list. The WolfBeater heel. Admittedly, the jury was out for a bit while I decided if I liked them, but eventually I decided I did. Also have a flat option.. Quite the dilemma; Does one buy the Zombie Stomper in a heel and the Wolfbeater in a flat? Or, like the Zombie Stomper, are they only truly glorious when hoisting you up to the heavens and making your calves look like two slender, beautiful twigs? I'm beginning to see the appeal of credit card debt. It's the American way.
www.sourpussclothing.com/index.asp
www.journeys.com/shi/product.aspx
SIX. The Iron Fist Genocide Heel. Probably the hardest IF shoe to find online.. An interesting shade of blue green and one of the most interesting designs I've seen them do. Everybody loves hard to get, eh? Does not translate well into a men's T-shirt, which makes me sad.
www.polyvore.com/iron_fist/shop
SEVEN. The Iron Fist Zebracorn. It's like six year old girls threw up all over it... But in a good way? One of the rare exceptions where I prefer the flat to the heel.
www.polyvore.com/iron_fist/shop
EIGHT. The Iron Fist I-Scream Platform Bootie. Very on trend.. In fact, the bootie is one of my favorite trends to watch right now. I've resisted the urge to buy just any ol' black bootie. I've been holding out for something... special. And if this isn't special, I don't know what is.
www.vixensandangels.com/Item.cfm
NINE. The Iron Fist Muerte. Wow, wow, wow. Not one to settle on just a "skull shoe" I'm always looking for something a little more subtle, a little bit prettier. Not only do I suffer from the inability to decide between the heel vs. flat, but both color combinations are equally eye-catching. Yes, that's it the blue in a heel and the purple in a flat.. Or.. wait.. Did I mention there's a PURSE?! P.s. I'm drawing the line at the Sherpa boot.. That might be just a bit too far.
www.fivetone.com/product.cfm
www.sourpussclothing.com/index.asp
www.merchlackey.com/ironfistintfall09/
www.hottopic.com/hottopic/Accessories/Bags/Iron-Fist-Grey-And-Purple-Skull-And-Roses-Bag-246679.jsp
TEN. The Blue Checked Chainsaw Flat. Really nice color combo. The best part of the shoe may very well be the design on the inside. Iron Fist is known for continuing their fun desgins on every inch. (In the case of my wedding heels, EVEN THE BOTTOM OF THE SOLE!) Imagine the banshee-like shriek of joy when I found a pair in the clearance section for a measly eleven bucks. Too bad for me and my size 9 feet, they are only available in a size seven... RATS! Also available via other sites in a pink heel, but I'm not crazy about the shade.
www.hottopic.com/hottopic/Clearance/Shoes/Iron-Fist-Turquoise-And-Black-Checkered-Flats-334409.jsp
There are a lot of other rockin' IF's that aren't on my list, for one reason or another. They're doing some beautiful things with sequins (LOVE SEQUINS) but that aren't very sensible if you're like me and value a shoe that will have some longevity. And wedges are nice, but I can't walk in them, so I tend to avoid them altogether. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| 1 month, 1 day. |
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| 04:09pm 14/11/2009 |
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-VEIL
-BOUQUETS
-DRESS ALTERATIONS
-HAIR STUFF FOR THE BRIDESMAIDS
-DISPOSABLE CAMERAS
-POLAROID FILM
-J'S SHIRT AND POSS. TIE
-BABY'S SUIT
-LOCATION FOR THE AFTER- DINNER
-WHITE STOCKINGS
-MUSIC
-VOWS
-LUGGAGE
-BUY A COUPLE CUTE OUTFITS FOR VEGAS
-LOSE 5 MORE LBS.
-PICK FEBRUARY DATE FOR FAMILY RECEPTION/ JAMES' BIRTHDAY (EITHER 13TH OR 14TH?)
-SEND FAMILY RECEPTION INVITES OUT (EDITED)
-SETTLE ON A LOCATION, FOOD, DECOR.
-GET A CAKE FOR JAMES
-FIND JAMES BOTH CHRISTMAS AND BIRTHDAY GIFTS
-FIND BOYS CHRISTMAS GIFTS
-FIND MULTI-PURPOSE DRESS FOR BOTH JASON'S WEDDING, LAURA'S WEDDING, AND BACHELORETTE PARTY.
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| Here, Piggy Piggy. |
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| 09:58am 12/11/2009 |
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Every day for the last few days, I've woken up feeling a little more terrible. I'm a big advocate of "mind over matter" so I tried to ignore it and carry on as usual. Until yesterday when I became so stuffed up that the vertigo kicked in and the "carsickness" on the way to the store was pretty hard to ignore too. I've given in, crumpled into a ball of down comforter, Kleenex, and phlegm. My poor children. Chance, though so far perfectly healthy, is going to be confined to the house all week/end and Shamus is in the throes of some major teething, so he's about as chipper as I am.
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| Wreckless. |
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| 11:31pm 23/10/2009 |
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mood: googly eyed. music: oh oh OH YEAH OH YEAH YESSSS.
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Is it possible to feel like your brain is both asleep and on fire simultaneously?
I'm not making any fucking sense. Which is probably the most sensical thing I'll type in the next few minutes.
I'm watching the L Word and I'm kind of vacant. I've had too much Arizona Green Tea and I've got the start of a good-sized headache.
I talked to my dad about the past. Not because I really wanted to but because it's just painfully obvious he wanted to. In the guise of concern about my needing to know the answers, he was actually begging me to let him unload all the crap he's been dying to say for, like, sixteen years. So I let him. And then when he asked me if I felt better I said yeah, sure and he said he did too but really I feel about the same as I did before.
We're talking about versions of my parents I never knew, doing and saying things I don't remember, that have no apparent impact on my life as of right now, so.. Yeah, about the same. Whatever. If it helped him in some way, it was probably the right thing to do. I know a thing or two about letting guilt eat you up and anger rot you out.
I always feel really awkward watching the L Word by myself, because it does on occasion sound more like softcore porn and I have this weird paranoia someone's going to call or walk in my house and just hear girl on girl lovemaking noises and think I'm some kind of porn-loving pervert. I just like the repetitive drama cycles. It reminds me of when I had way more lady friends that didn't find brands of diapers to be stimulating conversation like I do...
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| P is for Piracy, Blunt and Discreet. |
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| 08:05pm 21/10/2009 |
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There are many character defects I acknowledge I need to work on, but there is one that has just plain got to go already.
I have trouble complaining.
I'm not talking about general complaints to myself, under my breath, or in the privacy of my own home. I'm the girl who will eat the sandwich even though I told that cunt PLEASE NO TOMATOES about a hundred times. I'm the girl who calls Medi-Cal to fix their screwup and somehow ends up apologizing. I'm the girl who takes my wedding dress to the tailor and lets him talk me out of almost everything I want to have done with it. And I'm the girl still waiting for the veil that was supposed to have a two week turn around, but as of today it seems to have more like four and a half. See? I acknowledged it. Let's move on.
My angels are now officially three and three and a half months! Oh, time you fleeting thing. Chance's world right now pretty much consists of Cars (still), Time Out, Lincoln logs, and temporary tattoos. My ultimate favorite book to read with him right now is the Dangerous Alphabet.. The pictures are gruesome and amazing. Since they've been playing the commercials for Where The Wild Things are so incessantly, he asks to read the book just about every day. It's kind of amazing how even very young children are susceptible to the influence of media advertising. And also kind of gross. Ever since I found him in his room, reciting the Subway "Five Dollar Foot Long" song in its entirety, his t.v. time has gone from moderate to almost non-existant, aside from that one episode of Sesame Street every morning when we wake up. And that's pretty much the only way I get to shower, so it's completely necessary! Doing this has really made me realize how much time I myself spend with the television on every day.. I now rely on the DVR to record things I really can't miss and try to sneak them in during nap time. Or just wait and watch them on off days when he's at his dad's.
Shamus is thriving. That word really makes sense when I look at him. He gets bigger every day, his vocal range is changing, and his hand eye coordination is drastically different than it was even a few weeks ago. The look on his face when he FINALLY ripped his little owl off the velcro of the swing was priceless.. Right into the mouth it went, as does every other object he occasionally manages to catch hold of. One of Chance's duckies when we were in the bath this morning! Nursing's going great, though I was hoping to have a little longer before he grew teeth.. I got a slight glimpse of one last week.. Not through yet, but it's getting there. There is no hell like a teething baby, let me tell you. It's probably my least favorite part of the first year. It's also a major factor in most women deciding not to continue breastfeeding.. We'll see, but I'm pretty determined to make it to my goal this time around.
www.amazon.com/Dangerous-Alphabet-Neil-Gaiman/dp/0060783338/ref=sr_1_1
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Read 4 - Post |
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| Focus. |
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| 04:05pm 21/09/2009 |
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-VEIL (ordered!)
-BOUQUETS
-DRESS ALTERATIONS
-HAIR STUFF FOR THE BRIDESMAIDS
-DISPOSABLE CAMERAS
-POLAROID FILM
-J'S SHIRT AND POSS. TIE
-BABY'S SUIT
-LOCATION FOR THE RECEPTION DINNER
-WHITE THIGH HI'S W/ BACKSEAM (found?)
-MUSIC
-VOWS
-GIRL LUGGAGE
-BUY A COUPLE CUTE OUTFITS FOR VEGAS
-LOSE 5 MORE LBS.
-PICK DATE FOR POST-VEGAS FAMILY DINNER
-EDIT INVITES FOR THE DINNER
-ARRANGE FOOD, LOCATION, MUSIC, AND A MASSIVELY HUGE GUEST LIST
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| The Mystique That Is The Mother-Daughter Relationship. |
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| 03:26pm 20/09/2009 |
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We're now less than three months away from wedding day! Jesus, it's getting close. The to-do list has gotten smaller, but there's still no shortage of crap to be taken care of. I haven't really freaked out yet about how huge all of this is, but I'm sure I will. Probably RIGHT before too.. last-minute's my style.
Going out to dinner with my mom and sisters tonight. It's been a rough week with her... I think she's freaking about my getting married. Maybe it's making her feel old or there's something going on in her personal life that I'm not aware of, I really don't know, but she's been really intense about how she wants to be INVOLVED MORE in the wedding and she keeps saying I don't try hard enough to include her. So I finally went OK, MOM, WHAT DO YOU WANT? and her reply was that she didn't know. How does this help me? Other than making stress more. Our communication just.. sucks. This is all new territory and I'm bloody confused. I feel like I'm standing on one side of a huge cliff yelling at her on the other side and everything's coming out in Swahili. There really isn't very much for her to do so I'm just making up random errands that she can help with but she has this talent for turning the smallest chore into an entire daylong production. I keep re-checking my motives to make sure I'm not subconsciously excluding her on some level, but I really don't think I am.
-She mentioned wanting to take me dress shopping, didn't mention it again for three months. Then I found the dress I wanted on my own after seeing it online. She told me not to buy it online, that she knew of a Betsey Johnson outlet we could go to, never mentioned it again, and I finally bought it myself. By completely emptying my tattoo savings. (I told James my grandmother paid for it, so he wouldn't get pissed off at my mom. I agree with him that it was her responsibility to help, but I probably still wouldn't have a dress.)
-She spent a half hour complaining on the phone about how expensive the trip would be for her and how she couldn't afford to bring my sisters (which is fine, it's an ADULTS wedding, I've told her that a couple of times now) and then directly after started rapid-fire-interrogating me about how we paid for the wedding and who helped us. The answer is a little bit us and a LOT bit James' parents. Which hurt her feelings.. How can she be hurt that we didn't ask her to help pay for any of it when 1. She's never offered and 2. She's constantly complaining about how much it's going to cost just to fly there.
-When the wedding planning first started months ago, the excitement was too much to bear. I was constantly flooding her inbox with pictures of things I like, requests for her input, etc (typical stuff you would ask your mom about!) and she almost never responded to any of it. Who keeps e-mailing someone when you're not even sure they actually read them? Maybe it's just me but it gives the impression YOU COULD NOT BE LESS INTERESTED, right?
-I asked her if she'd like to help pick out (read: pay for) the flowers for the girls' bouquets. Which took weeks because she kept bailing on me right before we were supposed to go. I finally had to wait for one of James' days off, drive all the way to Vallejo and come to her, and basically stalk her for days just to get it organized. Which I was hoping would satisfy her, but since almost a month later she's pissed at me again, I guess it didn't. Also, I don't think flower shopping should eat up an entire day of mine/James' life. I guess I'm odd.
-Her latest accusation is that my grandma's more included than she is and that she knows more about the wedding than Mom does and I've let her do more stuff. My grandmother knows more than she does because SHE CALLS ME ONCE A WEEK TO CHECK IN, ASK ME QUESTIONS, AND OFFER HER HELP with x,y, and z. She's actively involved and interested and shows that through her actions. How is this not translating?
So it's not like I haven't tried. I feel like I've been downright obnoxious in my efforts to have her help with the planning. It's just the weirdest thing. I spent my entire life trying to get her attention (positive, negative, whatever I could) and all of a sudden she thinks I'm pushing her out and not trying hard enough.
It's not even like we're speaking different languages. It's more like we're from different PLANETS.
There's enough pressure on that day as it is. Not only is it the day I'm marrying James and making this real, adult commitment, but it's also the day I'm going to meet my biological father. And the first time my parents have been in a room together in sixteen years.. That's a whole other shit storm that I'm not ecstatic to think about. I guess I just need to focus on the whole point, what I'm doing all of this FOR. I guess that's how you get through it sane.
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| Fresno trip. |
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| 03:11pm 13/09/2009 |
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The boys got lots of Grandma attention.
9 was really great and they both sat through it beautifully.
Danny is now Prez of the Screamin' Demons Motorcycle Club
(little known piece of trivia- The SDMC are "close supporters" of the Hells Angels)
and his birthday party was packed with bikers.
Tricia and I got a lot of evil stare-downs from their "ladies",
though I don't think that's the proper word for a female hangaround.
Randie took us out for all-you-can-eat-sushi. First time I've been allowed in a year!
Keith paid Trish and I forty bucks a piece to disappear for the night w/ the kids so the boys could play Axis and Allies. Already spent fifteen of it on color stripper for my hair. We grabbed Starbucks and I spoke at a meeting where a newcomer was so loaded she almost spilled her coffee on me several times. Their game went from seven til four a.m. but I think it was the most fun James has had in months. I'd do it again.
And I was correct in assuming I'd miss him like crazy. The only thing that will soothe me tonight is new True Blood, Hung, and Mad Men episodes. And major Shamus lovins. My wisdom teeth have officially come in and I'm in an astounding amount of pain. |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| Brief. |
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| 02:33pm 09/09/2009 |
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I sometimes read/post in this alt mothering forum. Scanning it today and there was this eighteen year old who just found out she was pregnant and posted about how excited she was and what it was like telling her parents. The first few posts were all people congratulating her and then it got really nasty and the same three or four girls started telling her pregnancy was disgusting and that they were older than her but would "abort that shit" if they were here and that, because of her age alone, she was going to be an awful mother. It was really harsh.. I will never be able to understand how people can be so cruel to another person, especially someone who's in a really vulnerable situation. Having been there, I know that girl is most likely already thinking all of those things in her own head. She's excited, but she's also terrified deep down and to hear things like that.. Ugh. My heart goes out to her, I guess that's what I was trying to say.
Anyway, life's picking up. We're going to spend the rest of the week in Fresno, visiting James' family and friends. We're going to have both the boys so I'm sure it'll be an adventure. Then a few hours after we get back James will be leaving for Indiana for a week for work training. We'll see how that goes, but I can say rather confidently that I'm going to miss the shit out of him. |
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| My way of sticking it to "The Man". (Photobucket.com) |
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| 02:58pm 01/09/2009 |
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Between Photobucket e-mailing me to tell me, basically, I need to stop uploading so many pictures (My account's almost at capacity, which I didn't even realize was POSSIBLE) and the stacks of empty frames stealing the little free space we have in our apartment, my photographic fixation's suddenly pretty obvious. I'd never really noticed before. Hm. So I finally got around to dusting off the old hammer and nails and hanging those bad boys. The sad twist is that a third of them are still empty.. Mostly because they've been reserved for exciting upcoming things like Chance's third birthday, my first Halloween with two boys, Thanksgiving, my birthday, the wedding, and Shamus' first Christmas. I'm fairly confident that they'll all be filled by the end of the year. Plus I'm a lazy ass and still haven't gotten the pictures developed from Easter yet. Or last Halloween for that matter- ONLY SOMEWHAT RELATED.. IS THERE SOME SPECIAL PROCEDURE IF YOU WANT TO HAVE PICTURES DEVELOPED FROM THE NEGATIVES OF SOMEONE ELSE'S DEVELOPED PICTURES? It's never really come up for me before, since I mostly do digital these days, but that's how I got them from my mum. Any input would be welcome on that one.
Welcome to my sickness..,
MY CURRENTS WORKS IN PROGRESS-
BATHROOM WALL. VERY EMPTY AND BLEH... I THINK IT'S LACKING SOME SORT OF GIANT OCTOPUS PRINT..
BLANK SPOT WHERE MY UNG DRILL WILL GO THE VERY MILLISECOND IT GETS HERE (WEDDING PRESENT FROM MY OLDER BROTHER)
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| Choices. |
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| 02:34pm 25/08/2009 |
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mood: honest. music: B-ZILLAS!
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Parenthood is a constant learning experience. I've done most of this before with Chance and I like to think I've got more figured out now than I did then. I'm okay with admitting I learned some of it from previous mistakes. I still really regret giving up on the breastfeeding and not trying harder. I was also really young and immature.. I spent so much time feeling deprived of the normal teenage experience that I didn't often stop to enjoy him at that age. I also lacked confidence in my parenting ability. I took a lot of advice without searching myself to make sure it fit. I was always hearing that if I ran for him every time he cried and let him spend every night in bed with me and never put him down, it would spoil him. I now know that all of that is bullshit. It is impossible to "spoil" or "ruin" an infant. They do not possess the knowledge or ability to manipulate us. If they are crying, it is reflexive and indicates an unfulfilled base need. If he's going to cry, I would prefer him to cry in my arms rather than alone in his crib/chair/swing, etc.
The cloth diapering hasn't been as seamless as I'd like, but we're still working on it. That was definitely something that I discovered after some reading and research was important to me. Not only for the commonly stated reasons like it being more environmentally friendly, THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS CHEAPER, and the chemicals in disposables being linked to scary things like asthma and male infertility, but it also breaks your heart to see those awful lines in your baby's soft skin from the plastic being against it for hours. Chance had a lot of diaper rashes that I now know could have been avoided. The pinning still terrifies me, but a little less. It's also messier than the disposables but that's because we procrastinated on buying diaper covers.. They should be here in the mail soon which will make my life loads easier.
I also wish I'd known the beauty of babywearing first go around. There's an interesting connection between the fact that the majority of most countries (but us) wear their children and the fact that American babies cry more than than any others. Not only is it great exercise for me while I struggle to take off that dreaded baby weight, but after being attached to me for ten months, it just does not feel natural to me to lug my child around in a clunky, awkward carseat-turned-carrier. We have used the carrier/stroller two times in eight weeks. It's just a personal choice.
Don't get me wrong- Chance was only breastfed for four months, pushed in a stroller, lugged in a carrier, was sometimes allowed to "cry it out", and mostly slept in his crib, even as an infant, and he turned out to be an intelligent, sensitive, loving kid. I'm not trying to raise a "better version of Chance". I just like knowing that I'm being a mother my way, on my own terms, and I don't want to have any regrets. I think it makes me a happier person, which greatly benefits my kids. It keeps me in the moment, with my focus on enjoying them. As it should be!
I'm biased, but isn't his little cloth-diapered butt ADORABLE?
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| The Infomercial Hours. |
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| 02:56am 24/08/2009 |
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I discovered this particular phenomena during my insomnia-ridden (pre-children) teenage nights, where if I stay up long enough I get this bizarre surge of adrenaline and then I'm so tired that I CAN'T sleep. According to one of those baby books by Dr. Sears, it happens to newborns pretty regularly. I don't know where I was going with that. It was a really long and active, but fun!, weekend and as humming as my brain is, the translation's pretty mushy. It's three a.m. and the baby will wake up wanting to eat soon so I'll be up for at least another hour or so, but HEY LOOK I FINISHED THE BOUQUETS. Give me a fuggin' medal.
These pictures suck and my rug is annoyingly dirty.
Laura's-
Bridget-
Alisa-
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| I am your puppet master. |
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| 12:59am 20/08/2009 |
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I've decided getting married is essentially just throwing what you would call your ideal perfect party. You get to decide (read:control) what your closest friends and family wear, what they eat, the music they hear, even where they stand or sit. It's maddening having that kind of power. And any person is susceptible to being corrupted by that power, or so the producers of BRIDEZILLAS would have us believe. This is beyond embarrassing, but I actually have a sort of "look book" on my computer with a file for each of my three (OOF, four) bridesmaids w/ pictures of their dresses, possible bouquets in their color combinations, pictures of other people wearing their dresses IRL -I find they're better reference for visualizations plus great help in finding most camera-friendly angles, oh yes I'm serious. Plus, you know, many different approved options for headwear. Eventually I'll add shoes when it's closer and I've got confirmation. At this point if I really wanted to I could probably cut'n'paste their heads from Facebook and make some seriously detailed paper dolls. Good thing we don't have a printer, eh? My wee little papermaids and I could have a party on my coffee table, our dresses flying about the living room like Betsey Johnson, swishy cupcake dreams. I'm six again, commander of Barbie dolls, and I'm having so much fun.
They'll probably use this entry as evidence when they lock me in the loonybin. Fuck it. |
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so_im_a_liar's journal
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